The Noble House of Pink
by Regina Noctis
Summary: What will Lily Evans do when Sirius Black pulls one prank too many? Something that none of the Marauders will ever forget. Prequel to Please Believe Me.


"_Well," Sirius finally managed to say. "That was interesting. . . I didn't know Evans had it in her to be so—_vindictive. . ." 

"_Sure, Padfoot," Remus mumbled from behind his book. "I had no doubts of_ that _after she managed to jinx all our hair pink. . . although, seeing as you did deserve it, after mooching the Gryffindor girls' underwear and hanging it from the Astronomy Tower. . ."_

—Regina Noctis, "Please Believe Me"

* * *

Sirius Black was not normally a morning person.

This Halloween, however, was the first, if not only, exception. After all, how could he come up with the greatest prank in Hogwarts history (or even in "Hogwarts, A History") if he didn't start the day early?

Besides, he could always get some extra fun out of torturing one of his fellow Marauders at six in the morning.

"_Jaa-ames,_" Sirius cooed into his best friend's ear. "Somebody's trying to steal your _broomstick. . ._"

At which point, said James leaped out of bed, looking very sleepy. "Who? What? Where?" he mumbled frantically. When he saw Sirius rolling on the floor in silent laughter, James checked the bedroom clock, groaned, and collapsed onto the bed.

"Sirius, I have a game today," James moaned. "Don't give me an effing heart attack. . . especially not this early. . ."

"Aww, but Prongs," Sirius did his best "puppy-eyes" imitation as he sat up. "If I didn't wake you up, who was I supposed to tell my best, brightest, and greatest idea for a prank?"

James looked a little bit more awake. "Well, what is it?"

"It's this. . ." Sirius crawled over to James' bed and whispered a very long sentence.

"WHAT?!" James bolted upright, looking horrified. "You can't be serious!"

"Oh, but I am, James," Sirius smirked. "I can't believe you've forgotten my name after all these years of being best friends. . ."

"Cut the crap, mate," James snapped, completely alert now. "You know what I mean. . . and I really don't think it's a good idea. . ."

"What isn't a good idea?" mumbled a groggy Remus from the next bed.

"Nothing, Moony, just go back to sleep," Sirius said (too) quickly before turning back to James. "Come on, Prongs, old buddy, I'm sure Evans will start paying attention to you after this." James snorted his disbelief, but Sirius ignored him. "Just trust me on this one, okay? It'll all work out. . . and besides, it's Halloween. It's the time for spooks, for games. . . for pranks, Prongs! Don't you want to take part in the greatest prank of all time?"

"_No,_ Pads," James said firmly. "Not if Evans is involved. At least, not in the way you're talking about. Not even if it _is_ the greatest prank of all time."

"Please, Prongs?" If Sirius could pant and loll his tongue out effectively in human form, he would have. "Pretty please, with a Chocolate Frog on top?"

"NO! I. Am. _Not._ Joining. You. Period." And with that, James flopped back onto the bed and rolled over, away from Sirius' shocked expression.

Sirius stared at James' back for a moment before turning away with a huff. "Fine, then, Mr. Party Pooper. . . I guess I'll just have to do it myself. . ."

* * *

"Oi, Evans!"

Sirius found Lily Evans in the common room, sitting in one of the poufy armchairs before the fireplace with a Transfiguration textbook. She had her wand out, attempting to turn the buttons on the table next to her into the prescribed beetles, and she looked up when Sirius called her.

"What is it, Black?" she asked, already suspicious, as he swaggered over to her.

"I was wondering if I could borrow your Potions textbook," Sirius said smoothly, leaning on the back of the sofa. "You know, Slughorn's essay is due tomorrow, and I really don't get what moonstone powder is good for, and I lost my book near the lake last week when I was—"

"I get it, I get it already," Lily waved for him to stop with her wand hand, causing the buttons on the table to dance mutinously. "But why don't you ask one of your friends to help you—you know, Potter or Lupin or something?"

Sirius rolled his eyes. "James is pathetic at Potions. . . plus, it's Gryffindor versus Slytherin today. . . impossible to get his mind of Quidditch, you know that. And Remus is always 'every man for himself' when it comes to schoolwork. Besides, _you're_ top of our class. . ."

Lily blushed, evidently flattered. "Well, if you put it that way. . ." She stood up. "Wait here—the book is in my dorm. . ."

Sirius grabbed her by both shoulders and forcibly set her back down in her chair. "Don't worry, I don't want to interrupt your Transfiguration practice," he said soothingly. "I can go and get it. It won't take me more than a minute. . ."

Lily looked surprised—and more than a bit wary. A boy. . . in _her_ dormitory? "But—but how are you going to get up the stairs?" she stammered.

"_Accio Broomstick!_" Sirius' broom flew down the boys' dormitory stairwell and landed in Sirius' outstretched hand. "You can always fly over a slide," he said with a wink.

"I don't know, Black," Lily said cautiously. "My roommates would kill me if—"

"—if anything is disturbed," Sirius finished. He raised his right hand in mock-swearing fashion. "I swear on the Black family honor that not one thing in your dorm will be touched by me. Never fear, Miss Evans. . . your roommates will have no desire to kill you." And with a wave of his hand in farewell, Sirius leaped onto his broomstick and soared off towards the girls' dormitory.

Lily gazed at the girls' stairwell for a minute before sighing and going back to her Transfiguration. That Black boy was a bit strange, she decided. Definitely not as bad as that bullying toe-rag Potter, though. A bit of a charmer, but not nearly as harmful.

How absolutely wrong she would turn out to be.

* * *

Sirius was laughing to himself by the time he arrived at the fourth-year girls' dormitory. Oh, how naïve that Evans was! Of course, by the time he was finished, the things that were left _in_ the dorm would be untouched. . . but he never made a promise about the stuff he was going to take _out._

Sirius dismounted from his broom and looked around. The drapes and bedsheets, unlike the vibrant red and gold in his own dorm, were of a sickly pink and yellow hue—a disgustingly feminine color combination. On top of that, the room was filled with stale perfume and other cosmetic odors, enough to make any young man feel sick to his stomach. Sirius wrinkled his nose in distaste. _Best get the job over and done with,_ he thought.

Sirius drew his wand, conjured a burlap sack out of the air, and got down to business.

* * *

That afternoon, students were milling about on the Hogwarts grounds, taking in the fine weather before the Halloween feast that evening. Many were sitting by the lake, chatting with friends or sunbathing alone; others sat in the shade of one of the many trees in the courtyard; and two first-year Hufflepuff boys were walking underneath the Astronomy Tower, engaged in hot debate over the Chudley Cannons' most recent player trade.

They were so occupied with their discussion that, at first, they didn't notice the slight change in decorations on the roof of the Astronomy Tower. But when one of the boys glanced up during the conversation, he froze in his tracks, causing the second boy to bump into him, look up, and freeze as well.

The sight they beheld was as amusing as it was horrifying. Exactly ten pieces of girls' assorted underclothes were pinned to the roof of the tower in the shape of a gigantic jack-o-lantern face that grinned down on passersby. The bras, knickers, and camisoles of various colors and designs dangled in the autumn breeze. . . just underneath the glowing red and gold letters that shimmered over the rooftop.

_Courtesy of Lily Evans and the fourth-year Gryffindor witches._

Suddenly, a shriek rent the October air. The Hufflepuff boys jumped out of their staring and looked at each other in fear. Didn't that shriek just come from the Gryffindor Tower?

"I SWEAR TO MERLIN, I WILL KILL THAT SIRIUS BLACK!!"

Pause.

"Actually. . . first, I'm going to CASTRATE him!!"

* * *

The bedroom clock in the Gryffindor boys' dormitory chimed midnight, just as a cloaked figure slowly opened the door to the fourth-year dorm and entered without a sound. The only noises in the room were the slow, rhythmic snores coming from four of the beds, noises which this intruder was careful to monitor as she made her way across the room.

"_Pettigrew sleeps light, as does Lupin. Potter sleeps like a log, and Black wouldn't wake up for an earthquake. . . you've seen them fall asleep in class, haven't you? Well, Black didn't wake up until McGonagall pulled him up to the front of the room by the ears."_

The intruder paused next to one of the beds, the only one that was completely silent, before moving on.

"_I'm going to meet Frank in the common room tonight for some late-night studying. . . oh, fine, and some extra Halloween fun, too. . . but there's no chance we'll be done before one o'clock. Don't worry—I'll make sure he's 'occupied' while you're in their room."_

The intruder positioned herself in the center of the circle of beds.

"_Just jinx all of them. . . whatever Black has planned, the rest of them are sure to have known about it. And to think, they didn't even warn us. . . traitors, the whole lot of them!"_

Some whispered words later, and the job was done. The intruder noted with satisfaction that the breathing noises in the room were just as regular as when she had entered, and she turned to leave. She was stopped, however, by her noticing the varied décor of the wall spaces next to each of the beds. Two had regular calendars tacked up, one had a chart of British magical fungi, another had an enlarged poster of a beaming Quidditch player—and the bed closest to the door displayed a poster of dancing showgirls.

"_I'm curious. . . you know how Black keeps on bragging about how he sleeps in the buff like the 'man' that he is? D'you think it's really true?"_

The intruder reached out and slowly, ever so slowly, pulled back the curtains of the showgirl bed, as if she was afraid of what she would find behind them. There lay a loudly-snoring Sirius Black, his covers thrown back to reveal him in all his glory. . .

Of full-length, red, flannel pyjamas.

The intruder sighed, her breath like the wind rustling through the trees, and shook her head. She produced a piece of parchment from her pocket, magicked a quill and inkpot that floated next to her right hand, and scribbled a short message before tacking the note to Sirius' bed curtains.

Then, with a final swish of her robes, Lily Evans quietly tiptoed out of the room and closed the door behind her with a soft click. She only wished she could be there when the boys woke up in the morning. . .

* * *

Sirius was rudely awoken by the sun shining on his face at six-thirty the next morning. That was strange, he thought; hadn't he pulled the curtains closed before he had gone to sleep the night before? But there were his drapes, as open as they could be, letting in all the early morning sunlight.

Sirius shrugged his shoulders and yawned widely as he sat up and swung his legs over the edge of the bed. His sleep-drenched mind could play such tricks on him sometimes.

As Sirius staggered to the bathroom door, a strange flash of bright color in the mirror over the boys' dresser caught his attention as he passed by. Did he just see some pink creature fly over his head? He looked up; nothing was to be seen on the ceiling or the walls of the dormitory. Curious, he backed up to the mirror to take a closer look—and immediately let out the most effeminate scream of horror he had ever heard in his life.

His hair had mysteriously turned bright pink overnight. . . a most garish, decidedly female shade of pink.

At his high-pitched exclamation, Remus and Peter leapt out of bed and came running. Both boys had identical manes of pink on their heads; and when they caught sight of themselves in the mirror, they shouted in horror and shock as well.

"Where's the fire?" mumbled James as he yanked back his drapes—revealing his own freshly-dyed pink hair. He started to laugh at the horrified looks on his bedmates' faces, but pretty soon the joke was on him. One glimpse in the mirror sent him into squeals of disgust, high enough to rival Sirius' moments before.

"What the bloody hell is going on?!" roared a very irate Frank Longbottom. He leaped out from his bed. . . and discovered that he was the only boy in the room with his own natural hair color.

There was a long silence as the Marauders stared at Frank. Then, Sirius growled, "You traitor," and began advancing menacingly on the boy. The others followed suit, muttering incoherent (but obviously very derogatory) words and pulling up the sleeves of their pyjamas as if preparing for a fisticuffs. Things were boding very ill for Mr. Longbottom indeed. . .

Until Remus noticed the scrap of parchment attached to Sirius' bedcurtains.

"Um, Padfoot? Is that for you?"

Sirius turned and, seeing the note, stalked over and ripped it off to read it in silence. As he did so, his scowl deepened.

"Padfoot? What is it?" James asked timidly.

"Read it yourself!" Sirius snarled. He threw the parchment on the ground and stomped off to the boys' bathroom. All four boys in the room jumped when the bathroom door slammed shut with a loud BANG!

Remus picked up the note Sirius had left behind and read aloud. . .

_Courtesy of Lily Evans and the fourth-year Gryffindor witches. P.S.: I'm going to tell the whole school what a hypocrite you are, Sirius Black—or should I say, Pink? Sleep in the buff, my arse.—LE_

"One beautiful arse, if you ask me," James opined as Remus folded up the note thoughtfully. "And a clever one, too. But don't say I didn't warn you, Padfoot," James raised his voice so that it carried to the bathroom. "I told you, and I told you, 'Don't mess with Lily Evans!' But would you listen? Oh, no, you just HAD to go and—"

"Oh, do shut up, MUM!" Sirius' muffled voice roared from the bathroom.

"Looks like Padfoot's karma came to bite him in the butt. . ." muttered Remus.

"But why did _we_ have to take the rap?" Peter moaned. "I didn't even know about his stupid prank!"

"Come on, Wormtail, what are friends for?" James threw himself back onto his bed. "The Marauders stick together, thick and thin! We'll share the fun, we'll share the blame, and we'll share the consequences—" At this, James sat up and shouted, "Even if it was for SOMETHING that NOBODY else wanted to do but YOU, Padfoot!"

"I said, SHUT UP ALREADY!"

* * *

As if to add insult to injury, Lily had told McGonagall about all that had happened, which led to Sirius' having double detention with the strict Transfiguration professor every weekend until Christmas. To top it off, McGonagall refused to show Sirius the countercurse to the hair-coloring jinx that Lily had used, snapping, "You deserved it!" when Sirius came begging for her help. She did, however, change the other Marauders' hair back to normal because "they had nothing to do with that horrible prank of Black's."

Sirius sighed as he scrubbed the hospital bedpans by hand, his latest task for detention. _Payback was a bitch, indeed,_ he thought miserably while he watched the dirty water trickle into the sink from his cleaning rag.

_Especially when her name was Lily Evans_.

FINIS


End file.
